Everyday....

Almost everyday i learn something new. And on the days i don't learn something new, i find reaffirmation in something i learned previously.  For instance, i know....deep in my heart, that things will be okay. They have to be. There is no other alternative. As bad as things may get, they will not always be that way. But sometimes, in the moment, i forget. And sometimes when i forget, the thoughts and emotions begin to spiral out of control. So i have to reaffirm, within myself, that things are going to be okay. Eventually. Everything happens for a reason, and even though i may not know that reason now, or ever for that matter, there is a reason nonetheless.
My emotions are on edge right now. Not because of the "divorce" per se. But the ripple effect from said divorce. It is Friday....I get paid A WEEK from now. And i have no money. Now. There have been PLENTY of times in my life when i said i had no money, whether it was to get sympathy from parents, husband, whatever. But i always, in reality, had money of some sort.  I have one credit card, with zero available credit. And my checking account will be negative $30 once my mother cashes the check for electricity & phone, which she has already been holding for two weeks. I can not call her and ask her to hold it any longer. This would summon a windful condescending stream of "i told you so's" that would make a United States Marine beg for mercy. I would rather pay the $35 fee at the bank and be done.  I don't know what I'll do for the next seven days: we're not without food, but there's no cash. Not even pennies. Not even ninety-nine cents to take them to Racetrack for a drink.  So what i learned today was, I'm an adult. Responsible for two children. And I need to save, at least a little, for rainy days. Today, it's pouring. But this too shall pass. I can do anything for seven days, even if I have to eat ramen noodles for lunch. As long as I can still see the light at the end of the tunnel, I won't mind running from the train.......