I already skipped a day.....

So...this is typical...I skipped a day already. I said I would log in and type something every single day, even if I just typed "i don't have anything to say". But true to my own form, I didn't. However, let it be known that I did this upfront. There is no need to go about three months of faithful blogging and then skip a day.  Can you imagine the disappointment? "She was doing sooooo good!!! Now look at her...She has to start all over." I prefer to show my shortcomings right up front....that way, no one is disappointed later.
This is true in relationships too.  I have been separated for five months.  I have a multitude of girl friends.... a handful of guy friends. My very best friend and I are going through concurrent breakups. This helps, believe me. So I'm talking to this guy. He's an old friend. (As in, I've known him for a long time, not that he's in a nursing home or what not...) I don't know if I would ever want it to be more nor do I know if he would ever want anything more. But I'm texting w/ him and he gives me some cryptic message (as most guys tend to do).  I ask aforementioned BFF about this. She says "JUST ASK HIM WHAT HE MEANS..... ten years from now, you're not going to be trying to figure him out...You're gonna say "GOTDAMMIT, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN....and by the way, Fix my supper!"
I laughed out loud. After the initial jolt of her even insinuating I would be with this guy ten years from now. But this leads me to a piece of advice that I can give and I hope to hold true to myself. At this point in life, after marriages and divorces, children and friends....BE YOURSELF!  What do you have to lose? That person? So be it. We're too old to have to play games and pretend to be something we're not.  My Soon-To-Be-Ex would throw this in my face all the time. "When we were dating, you went to car shows with me all the time...You said you liked it..."  So what? I was like, 25, and still trying to get a ring, right? I would'a watched live tigers maul baby gazelles if it meant I got that carat!  Now? No sir. We all fudge a little, sure.  But be careful that these tiny white lies of pacification (is that a word? If not, it should be) do not create a situation that you have to continually perpetuate for the rest of the time you know this person. "Sure I love deep sea fishing"....there's a lifetime of long weekends on a rocky boat, playing hostess to drunk friends and throwing back meds to keep from turning green.  "Sure, I've always enjoyed car shows."  Now every first weekend in June is spent perusing muscle cars in the hot sun, sweating, and you suddenly have a lifetime subscription to hot rod magazine in YOUR NAME that you can't even discard via divorce.
The point is... I lived my life ten years putting up with things I normally would not put up with. Things I thought were worth it just to be with someone. Fuck that. I want to be with someone who likes me for me. Someone who thinks my idiosyncrasies are cute.... I haven't the time nor the energy at this point to feign interest in body building, fishing, devil worship or RC boat racing.  You have your time, I'll have mine. We'll meet in the middle. But know upfront, i procrastinate. I have to shower before bed. I HAVE to. I eat cereal with a fork. I fall asleep to Nick at Nite. I don't have a fingernail on one finger. I don't eat the inside of biscuits. And if I say I will blog everyday, I won't.  But I'll do my damndest to come close. And if the road to hell is paved with good intentions, that's alright: I'm prolly headed there anyway.