Day One of 275....

I don't know why I chose today to start a blog. My very best friend in the world told me that the best way to get over this, was to write something everyday. So i bought a note book, and in the five months I've been separated, I have written two (2) entries, which were modest at best. So...I figure even if I never have another human being read this blog, at the very least, I will be accountable to myself.

It is Tuesday, September 1, 2009.  My 10th (yes TENTH) wedding anniversary WOULD HAVE BEEN June 3, 2010.  That's 9 months, 2 days from today. 275 days. I am not rich and I cannot afford therapy. Therefore, I have decided to make these keys my therapy. Therapy in black and white. I've had a million heartbreaks and read a million books and not a single one of them prepared me for this. So I'ma do this my way. And if in 9 months and 2 days, I am no better off than I am today, I will only have myself (and my stupid ass selfish white trash delusional soon to be exhusband) to blame.

Day One.....I am at work. I have IM'd with my very best friend in the whole world like we do every morning. I have checked facebook. I have worked...on my farmtown farm on facebook. I have piles of work sitting around me and little motivation to execute any plans for doing said work. I haven't the energy to explain, in one dull and boring sweep, why my life is where it is. I think you will see in time the events that unfolded leading me to this very point. In the grand scheme of things, my life is boring and usual. I'm not the only person to go through a divorce and my divorce is not unusally high profile or even noticeable to the outside world.  But that is not what matters. What matters is that my divorce is going on in my life, and that is enough to break my heart, on occassion. But i am 36 years old. I have a life to live and a family to take care of. I refuse on any given day, to let this divorce stand in the way of me living my life in whatever way i decide i should. And that...is where this blog begins....and my old life ends....
Renaissance (which i had to google to spell) is rebirth. An awakening. And that is what this is....within the recognition that my life, as i knew it, is over and it is time to rebuild the person i know i still am, deep inside, and couple it with the person i want to be. I want to be happy, most of us do. I want to live my life with no regrets (from this point on) and make peace with any regrets i may have of the past. This is my third divorce (GASP!) and I will not only make it through, but hopefully, 275 days from today, be able to look back and hardly remember being broken.