Facebook Closure

Facebook has become a way of life. Social networking:  friends, colleagues, family members even pets have their own facebook pages.  I've seen facebook status wars between friends, lovers, spouses. It is the ultimate social mechanism to either bring people closer (family for instance) or rip them apart (petty fake friendships and backstabbing bitches). It has become a social status among your peers. There is no worse slap in the face in 2010 than to be blocked.  Being deleted as a friend is the new caller ID. So when my socially inept STBX got a facebook page, i knew it would be on. And it was. Friendships fell apart, status wars engaged, and the blocking began. Not just me but my friends. My dog. My mom. Everyone was blocked except who he deemed worthy enough to view his page. Well apparently when facebook underwent their new privacy overhaul, some people did not go in and properly change things. I've been able to see lots of good things and get copious amounts of dirt on other people. Then, this past Friday, I happened upon his page. And I tell you, I did NOT look for it. I was led there, somehow, clicking here and there and suddenly, there it was before me. His profile pic: the one I took of him in Florida on our family vacation. He looks so carefree and fun and happy.... Who wouldn't want to be this guys friend? Or girlfriend? Or WIFE? Or babysitter. Or social graces nazi. Or maid. I tell you I sat there and read every word, every comment, looked at every picture. I cried. Then I was mad. Then indignant. Then sad again. My heart ached and I wondered how he could be so happy without me? He went caving. Really? REALLY? I couldn't get that stupid motherfucker up off that couch to take out the trash or go to a movie, unless there was food involved. And he went caving. What the holy hell fuck was going on? His pictures looked so....normal. Standing there like he was just fine. Happy even. What a stupid motherfucker. I called my best friend. Not available. So I call my friend who was there during the previous separation (and unfortunately reconciliation). She talked me through it. Talked me off the ledge. Let me cry. We made fun of him and laughed. She let me cry some more. Then she reminded me .... of how miserable i was, even FIVE YEARS AGO. And how scared I was of him, at times. And i looked at those pictures again of his ill-mannered children, camping and caving....and I remembered, right in that moment: i didn't want to be a part of that.  This divorce is good. His life is happy, sure. He doesn't have any rules and neither do his children. Who isn't happy when there is no opposition? So I'ma let him just have that "fun". And I'm going to remember, "fun" is relative. So is happiness. I'm happy, in my way, according to my standards, which he never lived up to. So no need to block me, STBX....I've seen all i need to.