It ain't over....

Til the judge says it is. I just wanted to remind myself of that. This divorce is not over. And while i know that, i don't think I was embracing that, if you will. I know things are uncertain and that things will all come to fruition eventually. Meanwhile, I'm plugging along, not celebrating Valentines Day and being okay with it. . . However, something happened that I feel I must make note of. Initially, I was thinking about an earlier post regarding the NB (new boyfriend.)  I remember discussing via email with my bff the onset of the, at the time superficial, relationship with NB.  And she said, after giving me a pageful of warnings and signs and possible scenarios  to watch out for, that he may be here for a reason, or for a season.  Thoughtful wording, I felt.  But she is no newcomer to eloquent wordings. She is the single best writer I know and why she has not published a book yet it BEYOND me! But I digress. For a reason, or for a season.  I would have bet money on the latter (for my bff, that means the last one...) And in an effort to be honest with myself, let's all just assume that is still a very real possibility. But last night, I realized for the very first time, maybe there is a reason as well. No, not just the band-aid, or even a relationship cast that you wear over your broken heart much like you would a broken wrist or foot....I learned something from each past relationship I was in.  Maybe this guy is here to teach me, unknowingly of course, to learn to deal with things day by day.  We have always been very honest with one another about the possible outcomes of this "situation."  He can't make any guarantees and quite honestly neither can I.  I have my limits and my standards.  As my bff suggests, a point at which i would look around and say "okay, this crossed the line. I'm out!"  But in doing so, I'm learning that I can't worry about what might happen six months from now. Or what happened six months ago.  I used to think that realism was the key to preventing heartbreak.  But now I think I've learned that no amount of realism is going to soften the blow.  Heartbreaks are all or nothing.  Some may hurt worse, hurt less, hurt longer or cut deeper. . . But it's still a heartbreak. So do you live your life sheltered and protected, never opening yourself up for the possibility of a good time much less, dare i say it, love? Or do you shake off the memories and pain of the ex, and forge ahead chalking it up to experience? I can wish and regret away my day today only to end up with more regret later.  Or I can enjoy being with this man, have the fun and accept the attention that I deserve and cross bridges as I come to them, rather than trying to scout ahead. I think I choose the latter.